Years ago, I used to be a part of a couple of well-received music-related print ‘zines. At the time, the zines’ focus was on punk & indie rock (or whatever they were calling it in the 90s… alternative?), the writers’ own lives and idiosyncrasies and the fact that our cozy little scene was blowing up thanks to acts like Nirvana and Green Day becoming household names. Does that sound vaguely familiar? In any case, one of the things that we liked to do to inject a little humor into a scene that, on occasion, took itself a little too seriously.

Inspired by the past and looking for a break in the mold of craft beer coverage, let’s spin the Ferris wheel and see what we can see.

Ten State Fair Beers You’ll Never See:

1. Indeed Brewing Co. Carnie. A deceivingly strong brew with notes of sulfur, tobacco and bourbon.

2. Pour Decisions Écurie. Brewed with wild yeasts cultured from actual horse blankets.

3. Bad Weather Heat Lightning. Banned from the Fair due to safety concerns.

4. Surly Yardstick Belgian Pale Ale. Aged on genuine State Fair yardsticks and dry-hopped with tiny leather straps.

5. Badger Hill Grandstand. Market research found that this particular recipe would only taste good on Friday, August 30th. Nixed. Side note, Sugar Ray is still a band? Oh, and #RothNotHagar.

6. Jack Pine Home Depot Bucket Small Batch Cream Ale. This nano brewery just got nano-ier.

7. Lucid Seed Art IPA. Gluten-free and earth-friendly – brewed with germinated seeds left over from a seed art project depicting former Minnesota governor Wendell Anderson.

7. HammerHeart Deep Fried Habanero Imperial Coffee Stout. Yow.

8. August Schell Roasted Corn “Crafty” Altbier. Scrapped after a tussle with the Brewer’s Association. Texas’ Spoetzl Brewery rumored to be working on a similar recipe.

9. Olvalde Purple Prince Heirloom Belgian Strong Golden. Absolutely delicious. Concept scrapped due to trademark concerns.

10. Minneapolis Town Hall Brewery State Fair Mama. Shelved until brewpubs in Minnesota are allowed to sell their beer to distributors. Wouldn’t you like to know what this one tastes like! We would!